I’m a bit embarrassed to say that I watch the Bachelor, but yeesh, it’s true.. at times I do.
Last night I switched on the newest season. It was one of the first episodes where the Bachelor gets to meet the 30 women who are going to fight for his love and affection.
I sat there in disbelief, watching these girls pulling out every stop that they could possibly think of to get this guy to notice them.
The craziest part is that they didn’t even know him.. they didn’t know what kind of man he is, and if he’ll treat his wife with love and respect, or if he will be a strong leader for their family. Will he make enough money to support them, will he teach his children right from wrong, not only in words but in action as well.
Nope.. they didn’t know any of this. They saw him on TV a few times and decided that this was enough value to earn him their love.
Now, this isn’t uncommon in today’s society, to be honest, this is the complete norm. As women, we are being continuously told that we have to step up our game to get a man. We have to be skinny enough, pretty enough, sexy enough. On top of that, you throw in the large rate of broken homes, and girls growing up without a strong dad figure in their life, and you have a recipe for disaster, or you know, a recipe for The Bachelor.
The women on this show put themselves in such a vulnerable situation, where rejection becomes unavoidable. Even the one who wins will look back, and realize that in order for her husband to pick her, he had to “test out” 30 other women.
And look, I’m really not trying to come from a place of judgement.. if anyone knows what it’s like to feel not good enough unless some guy is looking at you, it’s me.
I remember all too well how the story goes. I was desperately searching for something or someone to fill that emptiness that I felt in my heart, so I would wear a low-cut shirt, flirt with the boys, and hope that their approval would somehow make me feel worthy.
But you know what? It never worked. No matter how many boyfriends I had, no matter how “amazing” I looked in some dress, that hole would just continue to grow.
I think it can become easy to judge, we see these smart, beautiful women on this show throwing themselves at “some guy”, and we can’t help but think what’s wrong with them? How can they not see how desperate they appear?
But if we look a little closer, we’ll see that they’re not really desperate for this man.. they’re desperate for love. They’re desperate to feel worthy and accepted just as they are.
I believe The Lord created us to desire this.
So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies.
– Ephesians 5:28
You see, our God knows what we women are in need of. He created us to be the weaker vessel, to honor our husbands, to be obedient to them, and in return, we need them to protect us, and to love us as much as they love themselves.
But I think in our desire to feel loved, we lose sight of what is really important..
We want to be accepted for who we are, but instead, we begin to change everything about us.. our looks, our personality, and even our beliefs.
We want a husband who is righteous, strong, courageous, and kind, but then we settle for someone who really doesn’t possess any of these qualities.
We want to be treated with care and adoration, but we put up with being insulted, deceived, and betrayed.
Like the women on this TV show, we think that if we act/dress provocatively, or if we become the woman that they “dream” of then they will surely fall in love with us.
But my precious friends, don’t believe this lie. Your worth is not measured in your looks, or your ability to become his “fantasy”.
The love that you deserve will never come from molding yourself into the world’s image of the perfect woman.
The only one able to measure your worth is your Heavenly Father.. and you know what?… He loves you just as you are.
He made you.. He knows your weaknesses, He knows your strengths. He knows your hurts, and your heart’s desires. And through all of it, He STILL loves you!
But God commendeth his love toward us, in that, while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.
– Romans 5:8
How amazing is that?? Even though Jesus knew every single one of our sins and flaws, He still gave His life for us!!
That is real love, the real love that we are all longing for. The love that tells us that even though we will never be able to obtain “perfection”, we are still good enough in His eyes.
Don’t you see, sweet friends? we can try with all our might to become that “flawless woman”, we can change every single quality about us in hopes that some guy will give us a second look..yes, it may give a moment of satisfaction, but when that wears off, all that will be left is the same empty hole that’s been there all along.
So turn to Jesus. Give Him your heart.
The only One that can make you whole is Jesus Christ.
Look to Him to fill your needs, to restore what has been lost, and to love you in the way that only He can.
Don’t ever think that in order to be happy or “complete” you need to be lusted after.
Don’t allow the lies of this world to convince you that you’re not valuable.
The Lord has a man already chosen for you, and he will be worth waiting for.
And while you’re waiting for that man, focus on growing your relationship with God. Draw near to Him, as He draws near to you. Purpose in your heart to develop the characteristics of a virtuous woman (Proverbs 31), so that when you do find your husband, you will already know how to treat him in the way that The Lord calls you to.
And remember this, we all have our insecurities, and we all have a brokenness within us that we are just longing to have repaired, but no man will ever be able to accomplish that.
Only The Lord will be able to take your insecurities, and replace them with the assurance that you ARE more loved than you could ever know!
(There is a beautiful song called You’re My Beloved by Kari Jobe. It’s a great song to remind you of your worth. )
For thou hast possessed my reins: thou hast covered me in my mother’s womb.
I will praise thee for I am fearfully and wonderfully made:
marvellous are thy works; and that my soul knoweth right well.
– Psalms 139:13-14
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