For man is not of the woman; but the woman of the man.
Neither was the man created for the woman; but the woman for the man.
– 1 Corinthians 11:8-9
Women, it is our job to build up our marriage..
The Lord gives us big responsibilities that need to be taken seriously if we want to have a strong, lasting marriage.
Now, I am not saying that the whole weight falls on to the wife’s shoulders, but to be honest, a lot of it does – (Personally, I think that The Lord knows women are stronger 😉 ..whatever motivates me, right?).
There are so many scriptures in The Bible that give us, women, direction on how we need to behave. It is our job to study them, to keep them in our heart, and most importantly, to obey them.
Now, believe me, I know at times it can seem hard and unfair.. Our husbands can just keep being them, and we’re the ones who have to change??.. kind of seems crazy, right? Well, the world will tell you it is. They will tell us that we should only try when our husbands begin to try, and we should only be loving wives when our husbands deserve to have one.. But God, well, He tells us differently. Our husbands are slacking on their duties, the words coming out of their mouth are beginning to sound less and less like love, and on most days, they seem miles away.. But even so, The Lord tells us, “love him, anyway”.
And whatsoever ye do in word or deed, do all in the name Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God and the Father by him.
– Colossians 3:17
You see, loving our husbands in those moments where maybe they don’t really deserve it, is really less about them, and more about Jesus. The Lord doesn’t say be obedient when the mood strikes, when the stars align, or when everyone else is behaving as they should, nope, He tells us to obey at ALL times.
As women, it is our role to be our husband’s help mate, this is the reason that we were created. We are to be supportive, and kind, and nurturing. When our husbands go out into the world, they are faced with so many challenges, and so many temptations, we need to be their safe place, a shelter from the pressure and the judgment.
Is it always easy to love unconditionally? No, it’s really not. Is it always easy to forget about how they’re not measuring up on the husband scale, and keep on trying our best, anyways? Nope. But, sisters, I know without an ounce of doubt, it is so worth it! I know that if we do our part, The Lord will bless us and our families in more ways than we can imagine.
The most famous scripture describing a godly woman is Proverbs 31: The Virtuous Woman. It is a wonderful, encouraging chapter, but because it has been talked about quite a bit, I thought I would refer to some of the lesser known scriptures.
So, here are 10 attitudes that every godly, righteous woman must have in order to keep her husband happy, and her marriage strong.
1. Do Not Be A Nag
It is better to dwell in the wilderness, than with a contentious and an angry woman.
– Proverbs 21:19
No tiptoeing around the point here. Ladies, it is better for our husbands to go live in a shack in the woods then to have to be around us when we nag. Yeesh, harsh, right? But so very true! I know for me, nagging is my specialty, it’s my go-to move when my husband is not performing at my standards. But have you ever taken a moment to listen to yourself nag? I have, and honestly, I don’t blame my husband for wanting to get out of the house for a while. It’s annoying, it’s irritating, and it’s all around discouraging. Yes, our husbands should keep up with their roles, but nagging is not the way to inspire them to. Nagging will just push them further away, and probably even make them want to try less.
Instead, let’s be wise. Let’s learn to speak with soft words, and to offer (not force) encouraging direction. It is not our job to mold our husbands into the perfect man, it is our job to use our words to encourage them.
2. Be Slow To Anger
He that is slow to anger is better than the mighty; and he that ruleth his spirit than he that taketh a city.
– Proverbs 16:32
I know that this one seems only directed at the men, but really, it’s for us too.
Has your husband ever said something that instantly provoked you to respond with an angry remark? I know it’s happened to me a time or two, and you know, maybe in a logical, worldly sense, it was justified, but in the Spirit, it is never justified.
Really listen, make sure that you are actually hearing what they said, and not just what your emotions believe they said. A lot of the time, we react to something we thought was intended to offend, when in reality, it was just a harmless remark.
We need to be slow to anger, and learn to control our emotions. More times than I can count, I have let my emotions dictate what comes out of my mouth, and really, what came out, certainly wasn’t godly. But a wise woman, she knows how to choose her words wisely. She keeps her mouth shut, even when every part of her wants to explode.
Believe me, getting angry, and running your mouth doesn’t fix anything. It may feel satisfying in that moment, but that quickly fades, and all that is left is a bigger wall between you and your husband.
3. Do Not Be Argumentative.
It is better to dwell in the corner of the housetop, than with a brawling woman and in a wide house.
It looks like Solomon was another man that liked to run into the bathroom or garage to get a way from his yelling wife.
Don’t argue just to argue. Don’t always insist on proving your point, or on getting your way. We’ve all done it, probably a lot more than we care to say, but we need to quit the nonsense. Yes, I’m sure 98% of the time, we were right (wink wink), but honestly, who cares? There’s no bonus or trophy given to the person who can yell the loudest or argue the longest. The Lord won’t bless us for “winning” the battle with our spouse, no, He’ll bless us for showing grace, humility, and kindness.
We may have every reason in the world to argue or to pick a fight with our husbands, but trust that there won’t ever be a reason good enough in the eyes of The Lord to justify it. Let’s learn to keep our pride out of our marriage.
4. Be Submissive
Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.
Learning to be submissive is not an easy task in a society that idolizes the independent woman, and ridicules the obedient wife. Continuously, we are being told to “do it our own way”, to “not let a man control us”, and to “do all that we can to be equal with them”. Well, the reality is, we’re not equal. Now, I am not saying we are lesser beings, but we are different, and we were created for different reasons.
We are meant to be a support to our husbands. We are not meant to reign superior over them, but to come alongside them as their help mate. We are called to obey our husbands, and to submit to their decisions. Does that mean we don’t ever get an opinion or a say? No, we are allowed to offer our opinions and our advice, but our husbands have the final say.
I know that this command can stir up a lot of emotion. It’s not easy to give the control over to someone else, we all struggle with that in one way or another, but that’s where trust comes in.. not only trust in your husband but more than that, trust in The Lord.
He does not give us a command, and then leave us destitute when we obey it. The Lord will bless us when we do according to His Word. I know that our husbands are not always going to make the right choices, but give that over to God. He is in charge, not us. He will deal with the situation in whichever way He sees fit. (Plus, He is a lot better at dealing with our husbands than we are).
And also, don’t forget that when we try to overpower our husbands, it doesn’t just cause discord for our relationship, but for our children as well. If they see mommy disrespecting daddy’s authority, what will make them think that they should have to respect and obey him?
5. Do Not Flirt With Other Men
But I say unto you, That whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart.
– Matthew 5:28
Just change the woman to man, hers to his, and his to her.
We seem to forget that this scripture is not just for the men, but for the women, as well. We are not immune to a wandering eye. When our marriages are going through rough times, that is when temptation sneaks its way in. The enemy will use your husband’s faults to justify the extra friendly smile or laugh you give to another man.
We need to read that scripture and believe it with our whole heart. Cheating does not just mean having relations with another man. Cheating is also, looking at another man with thoughts of lust or longing.
Do not allow the enemy to plant his lies into your mind. Do not allow him to persuade you into believing that you have the right to allow your eyes and your heart to wander away from your husband. There is no excuse, and there won’t ever be an excuse. The Lord makes this very clear.. I belong to my husband, and to no other man.
6. Be An Example
Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversations of the wives;
While they behold your chaste conversation coupled with fear.
Whose adorning let it not be that outward adorning of plaiting the hair, and of wearing of gold, or of putting on of apparel; But let it be the hidden man of the heart, in that which is not corruptible, even the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price.
-1 Peter 3:1-5
You see, The Lord knows. He is well aware of the fact that not every husband is going to faithfully follow after Christ, and He knows the struggles that we, women, face when this is the situation in our marriage. But you are not your husband’s Holy Ghost.
This is one of the things that I struggle to remind myself, on the daily. I so want everything that my husband says, does and thinks to be Christ-centered, and when they aren’t, I try to “encourage” him to change. I try to do it in a way that I feel is respectful and non-judgy, but to him or anyone else, it really isn’t.
As wives, it is not our job to convince our husbands to be faithful, God-fearing men. The Lord has not put that call on our lives. It is His job, and only His job, to bring that out in them.
Ours is to be an example to them of what it means to follow Christ. It is our words, our actions, and the love that we show them, that will actually have an impact.
And we need to remember this: our walk with The Lord is probably not at the level that it should be, so we are certainly in no position to judge theirs.
7. Adore Your Husband
..and the wife see that she reverence her husband.
The definition of the word reverence is to admire, appreciate, respect, and highly esteem. These are the kinds of attitudes the wife needs to have towards her husband. Yes, there are times where they do things that are not really to our liking, but we need to learn to look past the imperfections and focus in on their beautiful qualities.
You can’t spend your marriage thinking about and talking about all of your spouse’s less than ideal attributes, and then expect to somehow feel totally in love with them. It’s just not going to happen. Instead, we need to remind ourselves over and over and over about all of the things that we love so much about them. We need to build them up, not tare them down.
When you talk to your friends or your family, don’t allow yourself to share with them everything that your husband does “wrong”, instead, purpose to share all of the wonderful, admirable things about him.
Be that wife that looks at her husband with admiration, with appreciation, and with respect.
8. Do Not Withhold Sex
Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence: and likewise also the wife unto the husband.
The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife.
Defraud ye not one the other, except it be with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again, that Satan tempt you not for your incontinency.
But I speak this by permission, and not of commandment.
– 1 Corinthians 7:3-6
This one used to really confuse me. I couldn’t really understand why I would have to perform this duty when I wasn’t “feeling” it, I figured it was my right to choose.. well, technically when I said I do, I gave that right over to my husband. To the world that may seem unfair, but it’s actually really quite a beautiful thing. When a man and a woman marry, they become one, they become committed to each other in every part.
That commitment to each other means meeting the needs of the other person. We wouldn’t think anything of it if we were told to make sure that we had dinner on the table, for our husband, every night, so why is this any different? It’s a need that they have, that we need to meet. Marriage teaches us to put our husbands before ourselves, and this just another example.
9. Serve Him
If I then, your Lord and Master, have washed your feet; ye also ought to wash one another’s feet.
– John 13:14
If Jesus, who is The Lord of Lords, The King of Kings, and The Son of God, can wash the feet of His disicples, then we can surely put our pride aside, and serve our husbands. It is our duty as the wife to take care of our husband’s needs. Again, this comes back to being their helpmate. It is our responsibility to prepare their meals, to keep the house clean, and to make sure that they have what they need.
Being a godly wife means letting go of our unwillingness, and putting our husband first. And I believe that when we choose to do this with a true heart, The Lord will fill us with that joy that comes only from serving others.
10. Be Forgiving
And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you.
– Ephesians 4:32
Oh, forgiveness, I almost conveniently forgot you.. Darn 😉
Forgiveness is one of the most important attitudes that we can bring into our marriage, and without it, our marriage will quickly crumble. We can’t expect our relationship to grow and flourish if we are holding unforgiveness in our hearts. It is like a disease that spreads into every part of our marriage. We need to let it go.
Anything that your spouse has done, let it go. Not just for them, but for you. Holding onto that bitterness and resentment will rob you of your joy, of your peace, and most of all, of the ability to have the love of Jesus, do its perfect work in you.
I’m not going to pretend that forgiving is always easy, but none the less, it’s needed, no exceptions. The Lord tells us that He can only forgive us if we forgive others (Matthew 6:15). Don’t we all want that?
Well, I don’t know about you, but I know I have a lot of work to do.
None of us are perfect, and we won’t ever reach perfection in this life, but we can always strive to do and to be better.
I know, when we see our husbands not putting in the effort, it can be difficult to want to do all of these things, but this is the time when we need to turn to Jesus. We need to ask Him to provide for us in all of the areas that our husbands aren’t, and to enable us to be the wives that He has called us to be.
Now, you might be asking where’s the man’s role in all of this? Well, they do have a role, and it’s a big one, too.. but like the Pastor at our church said: “Don’t open someone else’s mail”. It’s not our responsibility to worry about what their job is. The more we look into what The Lord has called them to be, the more we will become unsatisfied with what they’re not doing. We need only to focus on our own roles and let The Lord deal with the rest.
When I was searching The Bible for how to become a righteous wife, I certainly had my eyes opened. I am far from being that godly woman, but I really thank The Lord for His grace. His kindness towards us is never failing, and even when we fall so short of His glory, He still reaches out His hand to us. He doesn’t expect us to become that kind of wife on our own, He knows we’re not capable. We just need to take His hand, surrender our will, and let Him do His mighty work in our hearts, and in our marriage.
And also, remember this: every time you try a little harder for your husband, and everytime you do all that you can to go that extra mile, The Lord will bless you for it.
Are there any other attitudes of a righteous wife that I may have forgotten?
What are the areas that The Lord has been working on in your marriage?
Let me know in the comments.
Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favor of the Lord.
– Proverbs 18:22